At the risk of this becoming the main focus of my blog…it is what keeps me up at night these days.
Based on some on & off-line conversations, I realize that my biggest concern is that ADHD medication will somehow alter the “good” parts of my son. I love his creativity, his effusive hugs and his ability to find joy in most everything. I’m also really afraid that it won’t work. I know Ritalin isn’t going to make him skate with both feet, hold a pencil with ease or make him understand a game like baseball.
Yet, I wonder if it could?
Would the ability to focus on something (other than computers) for more than 5 minutes in a stretch give him the edge he needs? Would it push him to try things that are hard and stick with it long enough to see the results of his effort? Would it make him less prone to fly into a rage, hitting me & throwing things? Would it make family time a little more pleasant?
I read an interesting website that posed the following question – Parents say they can “handle” their child on the weekend or holidays, so they take a break from the medication. But, how much time do you spend saying “Nathan, I’m on the phone. Nathan, stop bugging your brother. Nathan, don’t climb on the furniture. Nathan, are you listening to me?” The website then posed this question – What do you suppose that is doing to your child’s self-esteem?
Therein lies my problem. I don’t want to admit I can’t “handle” him. I don’t want to say that his quirks and inattention are too much for me & that I can’t work with him to get over it. Yet, for some reason I am also okay with yelling at him? With losing my temper on a daily basis? With being so overwhelmed at times I can’t see a way out?
Nathan is a wonderful person. He is kind, loving and smart. More than anything, I want him to be successful, happy and independent. And, for myself, I just want things to be easier. For academics and athletics to come naturally to him, the way they do for Eric. It is selfish, I know, wishing for an easier life. I’m just afraid that the one thing my kids will remember about me……..is that I yelled a lot.
I’d rather they remembered that I laughed.