Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes, today is my birthday.   I am now 31 & I think I am Ok with that.  I am not just sure how I suddenly got this old, but I look at my 6 year old and realize I can’t deny it either.

(How in the heck did he get to be 6 anyhow?)

Neil surprised me with a bunch of people at the house on Saturday night.  We went out for supper with another couple & when we got back, there was the group.  Nice.  I am sooooo glad I scrubbed the house down!

I like to look at birthdays as a chance to see where I’ve been and where I think I might be going.  I can’t say I’ve accomplished everything I wanted to, but I’ve sure done a lot more than I thought I could have.

For instance, I figured I’d be making a lot (A LOT) more money than I do.  But you know what?  I don’t actually care.  We live really comfortably & more money would likely just complicate things.   Better to focus on people than things.  So, there’s one major thing I learned.  It definitely isn’t about the money in your bank account but the joy in your heart.

And, I thought we would have done more travelling and seen more of the world by now.  The farthest south I’ve ever been is Keystone, South Dakota.  Don’t get me wrong, that’s a beautiful, wonderful place.  I just figured I might have seen Paris by now.

I never, ever thought I’d have a child with special needs, let alone autism.  I never thought I’d spend hours in front of a computer until my eyes nearly bled looking for help, resources and answers for him.  I never thought I’d spend thousands of dollars on books, supplements, travelling to doctors, hotel stays and therapists.  I never thought I’d become an expert gluten & casein free cook or that I’d panic about whether or not “cocoa butter” is dairy.  (it isn’t.)

I never thought I’d be on a first-name basis with a dozen therapists, agonize over goal-setting or cry over a therapy report that says my child is still 18 months behind his peers.  I never thought I’d lose touch with my closest friends, not because I couldn’t face them, but because I was so caught up in my own life I couldn’t deal with one more joy or tragedy.

You know what else?  I never thought I would cry at hearing “I love you Mommy” from my four year old, for the first time.  I also never thought I’d tell my six year old to be quiet!  I never imagined that I would be so excited about his first invitation to a birthday party.  Or the terror and then joy at seeing him ride a two-wheel bike for the first time.

I always knew I was going to be a mother and that I was going to make a difference in the world.  I thought that meant helping the less fortunate, the sick or the elderly.  What I learned was that as Nathan’s mother, I would be called to advocate, not only for him, but for other children with special needs.  I thought making a difference meant that others would be able to see the world changing.

Instead, I feel much more like the little boy rescuing star fish.  I can’t save every child.  But, I sincerely hope through this blog & through my other blog at www.gfcfcanadianstyle.wordpress.com that I am making a difference to at least one.

3 thoughts on “Happy Birthday to Me!

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