The older I get, the more I feel like there are 2 sides of me. Mostly the 2 pretend not to know each other, but every once in awhile if you are used to one side, you get to meet the other.
I first discovered that I had 2 sides when I was in high school. I joined a regional choir with 50 other teenagers and only 1 of them knew me. She explained on the drive up that there is a “high school you” and at this camp, it was safe to be the “real you”. It was the first time I was ever completely, authentically myself & so liberating to find out that people really liked the “real me”.
I find that now I have separated back into 2 sides. Well, probably about 20, but boiled down to the nitty-gritty, there are just 2. There’s the “public, buttoned down, follow the rules, Sunday-school leading, far from perfect, but trying hard Mommy”-side
And then there’s “hair down, wind blowing, wise-cracking party girl just dying to get out and have some fun” side.
I wonder sometimes, if anyone except my husband understands this about me. I have one friend, who actually used to be my boss, that completely knows this – since she’s often the one I’ve done the “girls gone wild” (well, not quite that wild) thing with. I think the reason she understands is because she also knows the reason why.
In order to be seen as a professional & be taken seriously, I feel it is highly inappropriate to let the inner-wild child out of the box in my home community, which you might remember is Small. A drink or two, okay, but not out of control. The memories in the community are long & your past will come back to haunt you.
But, sometimes, I just need to blow off some steam. It seems that a trip to Nickelback has done it. Neil commented last night how much happier and more relaxed I am & that he’ll have to take me to a rock concert more often, if this is the result. I say bring it on baby.
So, right now, I’m sitting (at lunch!) in my office, hair pinned up, sensible shoes, conservative clothes, wearing my “work face” secretly wishing I was driving too fast towards a sunny beach listening to a strong bass line at top volume.
I guess running as the sun rises with my ipod blasting will have to do for now.