Two Sides, One Me

The older I get, the more I feel like there are 2 sides of me.  Mostly the 2 pretend not to know each other, but every once in awhile if you are used to one side, you get to meet the other.

I first discovered that I had 2 sides when I was in high school. I joined a regional choir with 50 other teenagers and only 1 of them knew me.  She explained on the drive up that there is a “high school you” and at this camp, it was safe to be the “real you”.  It was the first time I was ever completely, authentically myself & so liberating to find out that people really liked the “real me”.

I find that now I have separated back into 2 sides.  Well, probably about 20, but boiled down to the nitty-gritty, there are just 2.  There’s the “public, buttoned down, follow the rules, Sunday-school leading, far from perfect, but trying hard Mommy”-side

And then there’s “hair down, wind blowing, wise-cracking party girl just dying to get out and have some fun” side.

I wonder sometimes, if anyone except my husband understands this about me.  I have one friend, who actually used to be my boss, that completely knows this – since she’s often the one I’ve done the “girls gone wild” (well, not quite that wild) thing with.  I think the reason she understands is because she also knows the reason why.

In order to be seen as a professional & be taken seriously, I feel it is highly inappropriate to let the inner-wild child out of the box in my home community, which you might remember is Small.  A drink or two, okay, but not out of control.  The memories in the community are long & your past will come back to haunt you.

But, sometimes, I just need to blow off some steam.  It seems that a trip to Nickelback has done it.  Neil commented last night how much happier and more relaxed I am & that he’ll have to take me to a rock concert more often, if this is the result.  I say bring it on baby. 

So, right now, I’m sitting (at lunch!) in my office, hair pinned up, sensible shoes, conservative clothes, wearing my “work face” secretly wishing I was driving too fast towards a sunny beach listening to a strong bass line at top volume.

I guess running as the sun rises with my ipod blasting will have to do for now.

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3 thoughts on “Two Sides, One Me

  1. I can totally relate to this. I am not so much a girls gone wild type, but there are so many sarcastic remarks that I keep to myself (mostly) when I am around people here. People at church would probably be appalled to know that I curse a lot under my breath or in my head. Stuff like that.

  2. I so get this… I miss the other me… As I got older she seemed to slip away, work and career and ambition me took over.. and now while I love Mommy me, which is a whole new me way different from work me and much less stressed and very happy, she is een farther away from party girl, wild child, crazy rock concert speeding down the highway at 100 me. I love Mommy me, but sometimes miss crazy me.. The thing is, now that I am responcible for Holly it is so much harder (literally – No babysitter, and Cognitively – Guilt and Worry) to ever let crazy me out of the bag.

    Here’s a Glass Raising Toast to the Wild Child in all of us.

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