I admit it. I am a complete control freak, type A personality. What I’ve come to realize in the last few days, is that the harder I try to control everything, the more out of control it gets.
Take for example a simple thing like losing weight. You would think that it completely within one’s own control. You eat less, excerise more, try a diet or two, you would lose weight. And to be fair, there’s a need to drop a few to maintain good health. Do you think I’ve lost ANY through the last 8 months. Nope. But, let go of the illusion that I can control it, I lose 8 pounds. Don’t think the significance is lost on me.
Or a more complicated example, only because it involves children, getting cooperation on keeping your house tidy. The more I tried to control the chaos, the worse it spun out of control. Yet, make a few simple changes in attitude, give up attempting to control, and the children (almost) willingly put things away. Hmmm….perhaps yelling really doesn’t solve anything, including making me feel better.
I think I’ve always “understood” that control is an illusion. I just didn’t know that illusion also applied to me. By taking a step back, I can finally see how crazy my life was getting and taking me along for the ride. By giving in, I am rewarded with a new peace I can’t remember ever experiencing. It is such a powerful feeling that I am able to keep much more grounded, emotionally steady and without feeling a sense of terror every time someone needs “just a minute of your time”.
It is not easy maintaining that balance but I find myself realizing almost instantly when I start to slip into old habits. I suppose that is better than waking up in a month & not knowing how I went from being peaceful to stressful again. So, my task for the week is to insist that I provide myself with the time and prayer to reflect upon all I now understand. Breathe deeply, love fully and pray daily. It’s a tough walk but I think I will come out better for it.