I am starting to get a grip. Seriously. I think I might even be moving closer to remembering that Nathan isn’t a bunch of letters, just a little boy. I go back & forth on this a lot. Too much probably.
It’s not like the diagnosis matters, right? I used to think so. Now I see why it is such a blow. It is all about potential.
When a baby is conceived, the world is completely & utterly open to him. The potential for his life is limitless. Some babies join our world with limited potential but most enjoy this unlimited time much longer. But as your newborn grows, it becomes apparent that she hasn’t got the grace for ballet or he recoils at the sight of blood. And then they enter school, and their potential is measured, tested, groomed and refined. It becomes somewhat limited, but you know that if your child worked hard, the world is open to him.
But for some kids, receiving a diagnosis means facing that their potential might be limited. Or at least different from a typical child. The hardest part for us is understanding what Nathan’s potential might be. Is it ok to still hope for a normal life? Will he be able to work & live independently? Will he get married, be a father? Are we okay with less?
I think that is where the hurdle is for us. Yes, he is still the happiest boy in the world. What the future holds for him scares me.