Still Not Ready to Talk about it.

I am sorry for being a little harsh yesterday. It might have just been elusive, depending on your perspective.

D-day = Diagnosis Day. And yes, we got one. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.

I remember how it felt when we did testing for Fragile X. Like a sucker punch, as I realized that this might be a fit for Nathan. That was like a warm-up round.

I kept saying, just give the kid some letters, any letters, and we can move forward with school planning. I didn’t think that a bunch of random letters would mean anything.

I was wrong. They do.

Those letters feel like a piece of ice has gone through my heart, leaving it in jagged edges, exposed and raw.

Worse than that.

We still don’t have the Fragile X results yet. I am not sure I even want to know.

It is by the grace of God that I am still hanging on, keeping it together. But I am dangling so close to the edge. Between my faith & my sons, I think I can hold on one more time.

We’ll talk about the actual diagnosis another day. I need to tell our parents first.

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One thought on “Still Not Ready to Talk about it.

  1. Our hearts go out to you, Michelle, and Neil and the rest of your family. Whatever those letters may be, they don’t come close to capturing the miracle that is Nathan. They are only keys to unlock some resources, and possibly, possibly, some of his mysteries. I’m thankful for your faith, your great family, and your friends that are close enough to hug. We are with you in spirit.
    Much love, EEACV

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