We went to Celebration of Learning (aka Parent-Teacher interviews) last week to discover that any little distraction keeps Nathan from completing even simple math questions. He simply cannot stay focused when there is anything, exciting or not, happening around him. He’s been spiraling downwards for a few weeks but it is affecting everything now. Home, school, Eric. That’s the hardest part in a way – that his troubles are affecting Eric. It’s not bad yet, just some misbehaviour, but so unlike Eric to not listen, to back-talk, to whine uncontrollably.

Whatever.

Nathan and I headed to the family doctor (new guy, again) to take a second look at his now-healed ear infection. Husband asked about ADHD meds at the first appointment & was told “no problem”. So I went, medical binder in one hand, hope in the other and asked for medication.

The doctor? His “preference” is to have us go back to the pyschiastrist who originally dx Nathan & have him determine the first cycle. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! But, I just said “okay” even though I wanted to cry. I felt about a big as a churchmouse at that point. Here I am, finally ready to medicate & the answer is “no”.

So, I went through the phone calls that are required to get a pysch appointment. Fortunately, we have a Goddess of Mental Health on our side. She helped me get an appointment with our old family doctor, made a pysch appointment (for MAY!) and Thursday next week, we should be on a medication trial.

At this point, I’m not leaving without a prescription. Either he gets Concerta…….or I get Xanax.

Torture? Surely I jest you say. Oh no my friends. If you haven’t had the blessing of spelling homework yet, I say, “Just You Wait”. (Done in my very best Eliza Doolittle voice too)

There is no describing the joy of repeating each spelling word a minimum of 4 times, reminding the child to at least try the word another 16 times, standing over top the child and pleading with the child to just-try-the-word-already….all the while attempting to not lose your cool.

And, dare help you if you have a spectrum kid who knows all the “rules” surrounding spelling homework.  Take a peek at the list in my house:

1. You cannot use the word in a sentence. Period. I am totally serious here. The use of the spelling word in a sentence may cause said child to have a meltdown.

2. You must repeat each word a minimum of 4 times, each time essentially sounding out the word, where appropriate. And even when it isn’t, like with “the”, you should make an effort.

3. Capitalization, particularly mid-way through the word is acceptable. For example spelling “castle” as caSTle is correct. The point is to get the letters right. Duh Mom.

4. No matter how many spelling words there are to practice, 5 is the maximum number per night. No sneaking in #6 or (god forbid) trying to do all 15. When we hit 5, we’re d-o-n-e

And then, after all that joy and shouting, we finish the homework and move on to Reading time. And that my dear readers is a whole different post. Feel free to cue the theme from “Jaws” in your head.

It gets worse.

It seems that spelling homework *actually* produces results. No kidding. I have real scientific evidence. The weeks we battle through the homework, he gets at least 13/15. If we take on spelling no-holds barred, winner take all style – he gets 100%.

And this my friends is why I obey the rules and commandments. I am certain that Hell is a 24/7 session of spelling homework.

Based on some on & off-line conversations, I realize that my biggest concern is that ADHD medication will somehow alter the “good” parts of my son.  I love his creativity, his effusive hugs and his ability to find joy in most everything.  I’m also really afraid that it won’t work.  I know Ritalin isn’t going to make him skate with both feet, hold a pencil with ease or make him understand a game like baseball. 

Yet, I wonder if it could?

Would the ability to focus on something (other than computers) for more than 5 minutes in a stretch give him the edge he needs?  Would it push him to try things that are hard and stick with it long enough to see the results of his effort?  Would it make him less prone to fly into a rage, hitting me & throwing things?  Would it make family time a little more pleasant?

I read an interesting website that posed the following question - Parents say they can “handle” their child on the weekend or holidays, so they take a break from the medication.   But, how much time do you spend saying “Nathan, I’m on the phone.  Nathan, stop bugging your brother.  Nathan, don’t climb on the furniture.  Nathan, are you listening to me?”  The website then posed this question – What do you suppose that is doing to your child’s self-esteem?

Therein lies my problem.  I don’t want to admit I can’t “handle” him.  I don’t want to say that his quirks and inattention are too much for me & that I can’t work with him to get over it.  Yet, for some reason I am also okay with yelling at him?  With losing my temper on a daily basis?  With being so overwhelmed at times I can’t see a way out? 

Nathan is a wonderful person.  He is kind, loving and smart.  More than anything, I want him to be successful, happy and independent.  And, for myself, I just want things to be easier.  For academics and athletics to come naturally to him, the way they do for Eric.  It is selfish, I know, wishing for an easier life.  I’m just afraid that the one thing my kids will remember about me……..is that I yelled a lot.  

I’d rather they remembered that I laughed.

Nathan is 2nd grade now.  He reads at an age-appropriate level, though not as well as some of his peers.  He spells well, but his handwritting really holds him back.  He has friends, but doesn’t “get” sports. 

He’s been a tough kid to live with these past few months.  Tantrums, anger, hitting, back-talking….nothing I can’t handle and yet, awful all the same. 

Neil wants to try medicating his ADHD.  I am undecided.  I hate the idea of putting my baby on medication, but yet he isn’t making the gains he needs to either.  We’ve been doing the GFCF diet, supplements and therapy up until now.  It truly changed his life. 

But now, I wonder.  Does he need another life changing moment?  Does he need to try “western” medicine?  Or, is it a phase?  Will he get better or worse?

I’ve asked his teachers for their opinion & our next IEP is coming up at the end of the month.  My cousin, who finally had his ADD dx as an adult, insists we need to try it.  His words    “I finally didn’t feel like a failure all the time”

That’s a pretty powerful opinion.  Have you got one? What has your experience been with ADHD meds?

My kids are giving me a break by going to Grandma’s for the weekend.  I enjoyed a blissful night of quiet last night wherein I refused to do anything.  (Well, I made supper, but that was it)

I didn’t realize how desperately I was in need of some ‘alone’ time until last night.  I couldn’t even get up the desire to go for a run, sweep a floor, fold a shirt….nothing.  I was even too tired to play on the computer.  (Now that’s exhaustion!)

I’ve got a huge “task list” to accomplish this weekend and I’m hoping to have a big city runaway too.  Might be possible, but if it seems like it will be more stress than it’s worth….I guess I’ll just stay home.  The fact is, I don’t really need anything.  A new pair of runners, since the new ones I just bought put my feet to sleep…but really don’t need stuff.

The children however………..need everything.  2 pairs of shoes each, adjustable waist pants for Eric, socks, t-shirts, winter clothes (I know it’s August, but I bought a Columbia winter parka in Minneapolis on July 1st), boots, school supplies and on and on.

I know I should take them.  I should.  But I fear there is too much to get in one trip & I need to think about each item.  I don’t know about you, but my guys are more the “grab anything” shoppers, not the “let’s carefully choose each item” shoppers. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.  This break is just what I needed.

See, I don’t mind at home, but in public, having your 7 years old hang off your waist, is not so cool.  I hate to discourage him, but I wonder at what age is it that PDAs with your mother are not okay.

The thing is, I thought he’d be long past wanting to be “with” me now.  Long past wanting public hugs and kisses.  Long past wanting to hold my hand.  But he doesn’t.  He wants to hang out, he wants the reassurance of my touch, he still wants to be my baby.

But, don’t call him a baby.  He’s MUCH to big for that.

He was supposed to go again yesterday, but as it turns out, she cancelled all her kids.  Except mine.  Who was sitting, quietly, anxiously waiting for her to show up in my office.

After waiting a half hour, I phoned her cell…..to her credit I think she did feel pretty bad.  But, that was nothing compared to the crushing disappointment Nathan suffered.

His big eyes welled up, he climbed into my lap and buried his head in my chest.  He didn’t whine or cry or say a word, just tried to be a big, brave boy.  It nearly broke my heart.

The worst part for him was that a swim was on the agenda for the day.  So, I promised him a trip to the pool after work.  We got home to see the combine in the field for the first time but he still wanted to go swimming.  But, the pull of that big yellow New Holland was pretty strong, so we did a shorter swim & he got a ride with Dad later in the evening.

I can’t believe how much he’s grown emotionally over the year.  I guess he really isn’t a baby anymore.

Hey Mom, did you know that I think you are awesome? 

or a little nasty like

Hey Mom, can you get me a kleenex?

or worse,

Hey Mom, come look at this….oh and bring a kleenex…..

Or, as I hear in my office, the teenagers breezing in with

Hey Mom, can I have: 5 bucks, the car keys, permission to sleep at Joe’s….

But you know what?  This ”Hey Mom’ loves this phrase the best:

Hey Mom, can I have just one more hug?

Ok, the kids love it, but yikes.  Who’s babysitting, who’s on holiday, where are the kids going to be…..I like the structure and routine of the school year.  Hmmm, maybe a little spectrum myself?!?

We took the boys to a local area pool yesterday. What a joy!  Nathan still refuses to float on his back but is pretty close to swimming on his own.  He spent as much time with his head under water as on top of it!  He does a front crawl(ish) but when he runs out of air, he can stand up to breathe.  Well, it’ll come! Neither boy quite got their SwimKids 1 badge, Eric was close but won’t do front floats.  Next time.

They both passed their grades without trouble.  Nathan is reading at or near grade level but really struggling with math.  Addition is coming, subtraction is beyond him right now.  Eric is right at grade level and learning everyday. Nathan needs to keep practicing his skills & Eric demands to have Learning Time too.  So, I’m sorry Ms.W, but he’ll be coming to grade 1 a little over-prepared.  What can you do?

Nathan?  Well, he’s stiff as a board.  Terrified if you let go.  Arms flailing, legs kicking, panicked face.

But he loves the water.  Go figure.  There’s no way he’s going to pass Swim Kids 1.  He needs another 10 weeks just to get comfortable, I’m sure.   So, while you might guess it is wasted money, I disagree.  I wanted to get him a ‘first try’ at the level before summer lessons.  I knew going in there was little chance of him getting his badge.  We’re there to learn, not to earn “no stinkin’ badges”

We went public swimming last night which was awesome…..until they cleared the pool for vomit.  Lovely. 

We were getting out in 5 minutes anyhow but ewwwwwww………………..